Friday, January 21

No Excuses for Globe Fashion

I apologize for the delay in the Golden Globes coverage...I can only assume you are all sitting at home hitting refresh refresh refresh waiting to see what I have to say about the red carpet fashion. Let's play a little game, shall we? I'll post a photo and you tell me what's wrong with it.

#1. Annette Benning. What's wrong with this picture?

If you said that her hair looks like a spider on top of her head, then you have obviously been reading other Golden Globes fashion recaps since that appears to be the consensus around the internet. I also would have accepted, "She looks more like Clay Aiken every time I see her."

#2. Juliana Margulies. What's wrong with this picture?

It's actually a lovely dress, but I have an issue with dresses that make it look like you're slouching, even when you're not. The strapless shoulders combined with the curved high waist are giving The Good Wife here a faux-bad posture. I'm also very disappointed in her makeup. I mean, I assume she's wearing makeup. Why the bare face, Nurse Hathaway? Her makeup looks so incredibly good on her show. Much more flattering than this.

#3. Halle Berry. What's wrong with this picture?

Right. It appears she forgot to put her dress on.

#4. Angelina Jolie. What's wrong with this picture?

Right. Absolutely nothing. Kudos to Angie for finally — finally — wearing a COLOR! It looks amazing on her and green was the color to be seen in on Sunday. The shoulders look awesome (although from this angle, it looks a little bit like she left the hanger in the dress) and I like that there's not a huge "puddle" of fabric at her feet.

#5. Hayden Panettiere. What's wrong with this picture?

Yeah, that kind of goes without saying, doesn't it?

#6. Christina Aguilera. What's wrong with this picture?

No, seriously. What is wrong with this picture? Why does she look like an aging film star trying to recapture her youth? And what the heck has she done to her face? She doesn't even look like herself anymore.

#7. Eva Longoria. What's wrong with this picture?

She looks like she's trying to out-Latina Sofia Vergara, and that's a fight she simply can not win. Also, the dress is too long for her and why is she playing the part of the grieving widow anyway? When you appear on the red carpet freshly single, you're supposed to look like a million bucks and make him eat it.

#8. Claire Danes. What's wrong with this picture?

I'm going with D) None of the above. She looks tres chic and I say well done on the pink-but-not-pink color.

#9. Christina Hendricks. What's wrong with this picture?

She's so top-heavy I don't see how she keeps from tipping over. And I'm not talking about her bust size. I'm talking about her bust size AND her big Texas hair AND that giant azalea bush or whatever that is on her shoulder that looks like it's about to eat her head. "Feeeed me, Joan!" Why does she do this??

#10. Juliane Moore. What's wrong with this picture?

I maybe should have asked "What's right with this picture?" in order to make the question more challenging. Because honestly, what isn't wrong with this picture? The color is too shocking to be flattering on anyone. The fabric is all wrinkled and she's only just arrived. And what the hell is that on her arm?? Change the color, change the fabric and remove that rogue sleeve and we have an okay dress.

#11. Michelle Williams. What's wrong with this picture?

Absolutely nothing. IF YOU'RE ELEVEN. Whatever was she thinking?

#12. Kelly Osbourne. What's wrong with this picture?

The skirt seems just a smidge too long, but she brought the awesome. I love her in it.

#13. Sandra Bullock. What's wrong with this picture?

Yeah, that was another gimme. The real question is: Is that a wig?

#14. Mandy Moore. What's wrong with this picture?

Well obviously the poor girl thought she was going to prom. How very disappointed she must have been to arrive at the Golden Globes red carpet instead.

#15. Kaley Cuoco. What's wrong with this picture?

How many times have I told you people that your hair, skin and dress should not be all the same color? How many tiiiimes??

#16. Olivia Wilde. What's wrong with this picture?

Some people thought the skirt was entirely too big. I don't know...I like it. And I like the fit on her. What I don't like is the hair. It doesn't go with the dress at all. I think I would have preferred something up.

#17. Catherine Zeta Jones. What's wrong with this picture?

It's another giant skirt, that's for sure. But look. She and the-husband-who-just-kicked-cancer's-ass were making their big post-treatment debut. And the entire internet was all atwitter with how great he looked. So if anyone has a right to show up in a big princess ball gown, it was CZJ on this night. Plus, the color is fabulous on her.

#18. Katey Sagal. What's wrong with this picture?

There's always one "Oh honey, no" in the crowd, isn't there? That's just awful. And it looks cheap to boot.

#19. Elizabeth Moss. What's wrong with this picture?

If you said "It's not great, but it's a vast improvement," you would be right! Someone finally managed to get her out of those washed-out nudes and into some color! Well done, Zoey Bartlett. And I like your hair.

#20. Jane Lynch. What's wrong with this picture?

She looks aces from the waist up. I like the bodice of her dress and her makeup was gorgeous. But I feel like she keeps selecting skirts that do nothing for her. And I'm not sure I like the sheen on that fabric. Or the puddle of ink at her feet.

#21. Jennifer Lopez. What's wrong with this picture?

The photo is actually more flattering than I felt the dress was on television. It had an oddly placed slit in the front that she kept trying to — awkwardly — stick her leg out of. And I'm not sure how I feel about that poncho. Her hair was too slicked back and her makeup was horrible. Her frosty blue eye shadow was giving me seizures.

#22. Mila Kunis. What's wrong with this picture?

Not very much. First let me say that holy snakes this girl is GORGEOUS. I think her makeup was the absolute most beautiful of the night. The dress has kind of a lot going on texturally, but the color is a slam dunk on her.

#23. Natalie Portman. What's wrong with this picture?

WHAT. THE. HELL. That might be one of the most ridiculous dresses I've ever seen. It looks like she's wrapped a silk sheet around her. And pinned it with an... appliqu├ęd rose? If she is, in fact, as has been reported, gunning for an Oscar, she did herself no favors with this getup. That dress doesn't exactly scream SERIOUS ACTRESS. Sadly, I thought the dress she wore for the after parties was a thousand times better:

#24. Scartlett Johannson. What's wrong with this picture?

Yeah, that was kind of a trick question. Because the real problem isn't in that picture; it's in this one:

Yikes! What's with the Rocky Horror hair, Ms. J?

#25. Hailee Steinfeld. What's wrong with this picture?

Oh, I am so relieved to tell you there is absolutely nothing wrong here. The 14-year-old star of True Grit looks adorably fresh and age-appropriate. Brava, young miss. Brava.

Friday, January 14

A New Way to Cleanse

You can find some cool stuff on the internet.

Also breaking: Water is wet. 

Some of the ladies I follow on twitter started writing about this oil-cleaning method that they're using to wash their face. And it sounded really appealing to me. Not so much because I'm worried about putting chemicals on my face, because, let's face it, I wear makeup every day, and I'm sure it's loaded with chemicals. 

But here's what's always bothered me about skin care: Our skin creates it's own moisturizer. Stripping it away with harsh cleansers and then adding moisturizer from a bottle seems self-defeating. And our bodies have an amazing way of adapting. For instance, skipping meals can actually cause a person to gain weight, because they body puts itself into starvation mode, thus slowing its metabolism. Similarly, stripping the natural oil from your face will only cause your skin to create more oil. 

That's the main reason I was intrigued by the oil-cleaning method. The like-dissolves-like argument made a lot of sense, too. As does the reminder that oil does not cause breakouts. Breakouts are caused by the gunk that gets caught up in the pores. And my breakouts are hormone-related anyway, recently making a comeback after going off the pill. 

So I decided to try it. 

Because I'm older than these girls, my skin tends to be a bit drier. And prone to wrinkles. And they both talked about having some dry patches from perhaps too much castor oil in the mix. So I started with 25 percent castor oil and 75 percent sunflower seed oil. The castor oil has the cleansing properties and the sunflower seed oil is moisturizing. I massage the oil into my face at night for three minutes or so. (Any longer than that and I start to get bored.) Then I place a hot, wet washcloth on my face to steam it. The steam opens up the pores and allows the grime that's in there to be removed. In the mornings, I simply rinse my face with warm water in the shower. 

My immediate impression was that my skin felt very soft and smooth when I was finished. Not oily at all. I've been using this method for about a week now, and while I can't tell a big difference in the way my face looks, I really like the way it feels

And here's something else I can report: My face is definitely generating less oil. Although I'm a little embarrassed to tell you how I learned this. 

Sunday is typically my stay-in-pajamas-and-do-laundry-all-day day. But then we had two snow days on Monday and Tuesday — several inches of snow, icy streets, schools closed, bitterly cold weather. And I just never really found it necessary to get out of my pajamas on those days, either. Or to put my contacts in. Or to shower. 

Yes, I'm admitting it here for all the internet and I'm doing it as a favor to you: For three days I did not wash my face. Ordinarily my skin would have been pretty darn greasy by then. And it wasn't. At all. It was just as soft and smooth as it is following the oil massage treatment. 

So give this a try. You might be surprised by your own results. 

Monday, January 10

Make Your Petite Voice Heard

I bet y'all totally forgot I even had this blog, didn't you? Well, I didn't. Exactly. I just haven't been giving much thought to fashion lately. Dead birds falling from the sky, Snooki writes a book, and now Kalisa isn't giving much thought to fashion. End times, my friends.

But I wanted to pass on some information, about jeans, so I dusted off the ol' fashion blog in order to get the word out.

Miraclebody Jeans. I guess some people at BlogHer got some free jeans as swag? I'm not sure where, but that's a party I definitely should have been at. Anyway, they had nothing but really good things to say about them. And I've been looking for a pair of really good, really flattering jeans. Naturally I kept coming back to these, because LOOK 10 POUNDS LIGHTER IN 10 SECONDS!! ZOMG!!

So I ordered a pair. (The Skinny Minnies, if you must know.) FYI, I took a size smaller than I thought their size chart directed me to, so they run a bit large, in my experience. And I like them. I don't think I look 10 pounds lighter but I do like that they seem to be made for a body of my age rather than for a 19-year-old Britney Spears wannabe.

Unfortunately, they're not made for a body of my height. I'm having them hemmed, but the waistband, which is supposed to fall an inch below the navel, is a bit closer to the navel. Dangerously close to momjeans height, if I must say. And there's some gaping of the denim where my legs meet my torso. They're just too long overall.

So I clicked on the "Contact Us" link on the Miraclebody Jeans web site, and I sent them a message:
Will you make petite length soon? PLEASE?? I bought a pair of skinnies — I'm having them hemmed — but the waist is closer TO my navel, than an inch below. And there's some gaping where my legs meet my torso. They're just too long overall. Thanks, Kalisa (5'2")
And then I got a lovely response from the Miraclebody Jean company. They said that requests have been pouring in from women who love their jeans but need a shorter length. "And we hear you loud and clear," they said. It might've been a form letter, but it wasn't your typical form letter. Because they said they are working on a petite line and could use my input.

And yours, too. If you are petite in height and have worn or are interested in wearing the Miraclebody Jeans, they want to hear from you. Please email your responses to these questions to
  1. Please tell us your height.
  2. In what length would you like to see Miraclebody Jeans? (Currently, all Miraclebody Jeans have a 32" inseam.)
  3. What style of Miraclebody Jeans do you like best? Please choose from: Samantha Bootcut, Katie Straight leg or Skinny Minnie Straight leg.
  4. What color do you prefer in Miraclebody Jeans? Please choose from: Mystic (dark blue), Black or Riverwash (light blue).
  5. Please tell us your size.
Thanks for your participation in the fight for fashion equality for short women!

Wednesday, October 20

Mama's Got a Brand New Bag.

I have had more good luck winning things this year than I have in my whole entire life put together. I am not kidding. And this time, what I won was PERFECT FOR ME!!

Kerry over at I Love Memphis had 30 Days of Giveaways, and all these cool stores and shops donated items and every day Kerry selected a winner at random. Imagine my surprise when I got an email from her saying I had won a handbag! I was so excited! I mean, what could be a more appropriate gift for ME, right? The catch was, the bag was so beautifully wrapped, that Kerry didn't want to open it. So no one — except the shop who had donated it — knew what it was going to look like!

Kerry told me the handbag came from the Germantown boutique, Dazzle. I hoped it wasn't going to be a tiny sequined-covered clutch. Not that that would be all bad, but how much use could I get from that?

But my good luck held. I met Kerry for coffee yesterday and she delivered my prize. And it is a gorgeous blue leather Melie Bianco handbag!'s the part where I try to take a self portrait in the bathroom mirror...

Isn't it cool??? I adore colored handbags but I hardly ever buy them for myself because they're not always as versatile as neutrals. This will go nicely with jeans or when I wear black.

Oh yeah...I cut my hair, too.

Anyway! Thank you, Kerry and I Love Memphis blog and Dazzle for my fabulous new bag! I could not be more thrilled!

Friday, October 8

NYFW Spring RTW: Oscar

There's one more thing about NYFW I wanted to share with you. I know it's not really timely anymore but who am I? The news? Anyway, beautiful fashion is timeless.

And this is some beautiful fashion. I haven't paid much attention to Oscar de la Renta before. I frankly thought his clothes were aimed at an older market. But then I heard that SJP is a regular at his shows, and even though I find her style choices to be a bit questionable at times, she is around my age, so that's not exactly an older market. And I decided I should at least to take a look at the photos from the Oscar show.

Those are some seriously beautiful dresses. Ladylike and pretty and stylish without being trendy. If that makes me part of an older market then SIGN ME UP.

Tuesday, October 5

Getting in Shape(wear)

Remember when I wrote this post about why I don't wear shapewear? If you read the comments, you saw this:

Sounds like someone's prepared an elevator speech. So I challenged Amy — who I suspected was Amy Pedersen, co-owner of Slimpressions — to send me a piece of her shapewear and let me put it to the test. And she accepted my challenge.

I told her my problem area is my stomach, and she asked me my pants size, and then she sent me...a shirt.

So hmm. Maybe I've been going about this all wrong. Maybe panty girdles aren't the way to go.

First impressions are important. And Amy nailed hers. She sent me a cover letter that was definitely not a form letter, first sending condolences and then several times referencing my specific arguments against shapewear (The fat has to go somewhere!).

I was a little confused by the garment though. Amy explained in her letter that the problem area that led to create Slimpressions was her arms. And I get that. But the piece has sleeves nearly down to the elbow! So I'm guessing you wear it under a long-sleeved top? But if you're wearing a long-sleeved top, aren't your arms sufficiently covered? How flabby do your arms have to be to want compression on them under a long-sleeved top?

But I was going to keep an open mind and try this thing. Just as soon as the weather cooled off enough to wear something that doesn't show my arms.

That day came yesterday. High of 65 and...I had a job interview. I wore a black skirt suit with a long-sleeved button-up dress shirt and boots (no tights). I didn't think of the shapewear at first. But the shirt was a little tight across the bustline and I didn't want to risk it gapping (a BIG no-no, ladies!) so I dug out the Slimpressions shirt and figured I'd see what it could do.

Inside the bag had been a card reminding me to STEP INTO Slimpressions! Ha, good idea. Who among us hasn't gotten tied up in a piece of binding shapewear, our arms flailing over our head, unable to get the thing to budge up or down, slowly losing consciousness as the spandex squeezes out the last bit of air from our lungs?

I did think it sucked stuff in enough to make the top wearable so I wore it under my suit to the interview. So here's where I stand on shapewear in general now, and Slimpressions in particular:

It's Hot
I'm going to steer away from the "whore-in-church" reference, but let me just say that even when it's 65 degrees and gorgeous out, if you layer a tight-fitting shapewear shirt, with a dress shirt, followed by a suit jacket, you will have sweat running running down your back for the next several hours. Not sure that's a trade-off I'm willing to make.

It's Not all about the Panties
I will give the Slimpressions ladies this: I never would have considered a shirt to suck in my tummy, as opposed to the panties. But as I complained before, panties just end up rolling down which means not only are you hot and uncomfortable, but you're also trying to figure out how to roll the damn things back up again without anyone noticing. With the shirt there was no rolling. It stayed right where I put it until I peeled the thing off a few hours later.

I Give it a Pass. A Conditional Pass.
If you want to smooth out lumps and bumps underneath your clothes, shapewear will work for that. It definitely will. And it helps if you select the right piece (i.e. shirt vs. panties). Shapewear will not make you skinnier. I probably need to lose 10 pounds in my stomach and hips. Wearing shapewear does not make me appear 10 pounds thinner. It may make me appear two or three pounds thinner.

So there. That's my new shapewear philosophy: It'll tighten you up a bit, but it ain't gonna make you skinnier.

Friday, September 24


When I tell you that sheer fabrics were a HUGE trend at NYFW, I mean to tell you there were a lot of nipples. 

I can't even imagine what this post is going to do to my SEO. Hi pervs! *waves* This really isn't the site you're looking for!