#1. Annette Benning. What's wrong with this picture?
If you said that her hair looks like a spider on top of her head, then you have obviously been reading other Golden Globes fashion recaps since that appears to be the consensus around the internet. I also would have accepted, "She looks more like Clay Aiken every time I see her."
#2. Juliana Margulies. What's wrong with this picture?
It's actually a lovely dress, but I have an issue with dresses that make it look like you're slouching, even when you're not. The strapless shoulders combined with the curved high waist are giving The Good Wife here a faux-bad posture. I'm also very disappointed in her makeup. I mean, I assume she's wearing makeup. Why the bare face, Nurse Hathaway? Her makeup looks so incredibly good on her show. Much more flattering than this.
#3. Halle Berry. What's wrong with this picture?
Right. It appears she forgot to put her dress on.
#4. Angelina Jolie. What's wrong with this picture?
Right. Absolutely nothing. Kudos to Angie for finally — finally — wearing a COLOR! It looks amazing on her and green was the color to be seen in on Sunday. The shoulders look awesome (although from this angle, it looks a little bit like she left the hanger in the dress) and I like that there's not a huge "puddle" of fabric at her feet.
#5. Hayden Panettiere. What's wrong with this picture?
Yeah, that kind of goes without saying, doesn't it?
#6. Christina Aguilera. What's wrong with this picture?
No, seriously. What is wrong with this picture? Why does she look like an aging film star trying to recapture her youth? And what the heck has she done to her face? She doesn't even look like herself anymore.
#7. Eva Longoria. What's wrong with this picture?
She looks like she's trying to out-Latina Sofia Vergara, and that's a fight she simply can not win. Also, the dress is too long for her and why is she playing the part of the grieving widow anyway? When you appear on the red carpet freshly single, you're supposed to look like a million bucks and make him eat it.
#8. Claire Danes. What's wrong with this picture?
I'm going with D) None of the above. She looks tres chic and I say well done on the pink-but-not-pink color.
#9. Christina Hendricks. What's wrong with this picture?
She's so top-heavy I don't see how she keeps from tipping over. And I'm not talking about her bust size. I'm talking about her bust size AND her big Texas hair AND that giant azalea bush or whatever that is on her shoulder that looks like it's about to eat her head. "Feeeed me, Joan!" Why does she do this??
#10. Juliane Moore. What's wrong with this picture?
I maybe should have asked "What's right with this picture?" in order to make the question more challenging. Because honestly, what isn't wrong with this picture? The color is too shocking to be flattering on anyone. The fabric is all wrinkled and she's only just arrived. And what the hell is that on her arm?? Change the color, change the fabric and remove that rogue sleeve and we have an okay dress.
#11. Michelle Williams. What's wrong with this picture?
Absolutely nothing. IF YOU'RE ELEVEN. Whatever was she thinking?
#12. Kelly Osbourne. What's wrong with this picture?
The skirt seems just a smidge too long, but she brought the awesome. I love her in it.
#13. Sandra Bullock. What's wrong with this picture?
Yeah, that was another gimme. The real question is: Is that a wig?
#14. Mandy Moore. What's wrong with this picture?
Well obviously the poor girl thought she was going to prom. How very disappointed she must have been to arrive at the Golden Globes red carpet instead.
#15. Kaley Cuoco. What's wrong with this picture?
How many times have I told you people that your hair, skin and dress should not be all the same color? How many tiiiimes??
#16. Olivia Wilde. What's wrong with this picture?
Some people thought the skirt was entirely too big. I don't know...I like it. And I like the fit on her. What I don't like is the hair. It doesn't go with the dress at all. I think I would have preferred something up.
#17. Catherine Zeta Jones. What's wrong with this picture?
It's another giant skirt, that's for sure. But look. She and the-husband-who-just-kicked-cancer's-ass were making their big post-treatment debut. And the entire internet was all atwitter with how great he looked. So if anyone has a right to show up in a big princess ball gown, it was CZJ on this night. Plus, the color is fabulous on her.
#18. Katey Sagal. What's wrong with this picture?
There's always one "Oh honey, no" in the crowd, isn't there? That's just awful. And it looks cheap to boot.
#19. Elizabeth Moss. What's wrong with this picture?
If you said "It's not great, but it's a vast improvement," you would be right! Someone finally managed to get her out of those washed-out nudes and into some color! Well done, Zoey Bartlett. And I like your hair.
#20. Jane Lynch. What's wrong with this picture?
She looks aces from the waist up. I like the bodice of her dress and her makeup was gorgeous. But I feel like she keeps selecting skirts that do nothing for her. And I'm not sure I like the sheen on that fabric. Or the puddle of ink at her feet.
#21. Jennifer Lopez. What's wrong with this picture?
The photo is actually more flattering than I felt the dress was on television. It had an oddly placed slit in the front that she kept trying to — awkwardly — stick her leg out of. And I'm not sure how I feel about that poncho. Her hair was too slicked back and her makeup was horrible. Her frosty blue eye shadow was giving me seizures.
#22. Mila Kunis. What's wrong with this picture?
Not very much. First let me say that holy snakes this girl is GORGEOUS. I think her makeup was the absolute most beautiful of the night. The dress has kind of a lot going on texturally, but the color is a slam dunk on her.
#23. Natalie Portman. What's wrong with this picture?
WHAT. THE. HELL. That might be one of the most ridiculous dresses I've ever seen. It looks like she's wrapped a silk sheet around her. And pinned it with an... appliquéd rose? If she is, in fact, as has been reported, gunning for an Oscar, she did herself no favors with this getup. That dress doesn't exactly scream SERIOUS ACTRESS. Sadly, I thought the dress she wore for the after parties was a thousand times better:
#24. Scartlett Johannson. What's wrong with this picture?
Yeah, that was kind of a trick question. Because the real problem isn't in that picture; it's in this one:
Yikes! What's with the Rocky Horror hair, Ms. J?
#25. Hailee Steinfeld. What's wrong with this picture?
Oh, I am so relieved to tell you there is absolutely nothing wrong here. The 14-year-old star of True Grit looks adorably fresh and age-appropriate. Brava, young miss. Brava.
Kalisa molisa. You made me laugh. A lot. Especially in reference to Moore' prom dress. In all fairness, if that one is destined for the prom, so is Olivia Wilde's frock. I liked it better when she was mysterious. And thank you for calling J Lo's thing a "poncho." That changed everything for me.
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